Often when I’m asked what life is, I always tell them, “Life is a valley of tears.” Saying that it’s a “valley of tears,” I got that phrase from the prayer Hail Holy Queen: “To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning, and weeping in this valley of tears.” I really think this speaks to us and speaks of our devout struggles, especially if you’re a Catholic who’s sincerely striving hard in the path of holiness. For others who live a worldly life, their lives are probably defined by highs, screaming and laughing. But for us practicing Catholics, life is a succession of joys and sorrows. This period of the year, something or somebody brings joys to your life. But before you know it, that same thing or person brings you sorrows.
When we experience pure happiness, we get teary-eyed or even cry ‘tears of joy.’ And when we’re heartbroken and going through sufferings, we also find ourselves crying- weeping as we pray or just crying ourselves to sleep. That’s why I believe that life is a valley of tears.
Growing up, I wasn’t a crybaby. Even now, I rarely cry on small problems as I try not to be emotional about myself. Don’t mistake it though as not having care or feelings. What God has given me is the grace to be empathetic and sympathetic of people and things. In wholesome novels and movies, I sympathize with the characters, and I express it with tears. Songs that remind me of sentimental moments make me cry. When I listen to a person share a sad story or a painful memory, my heart fills up with empathy completely. In times of deep sadness and heartache, that’s when I just cry my heart out. I’m sure many of you here can relate with that.
Some events in our lives just cause us deep sadness such as these- when we experience any form of injustice, when people disrespect us in words or actions or try to ruin our reputation, to be let down and heartbroken in guy-girl relationships, illnesses, loss of a loved one, family issues and financial problems. These things make us severely sad. And as a result, we cry as we suffer. We cry to express the pain. But for some people, they let out their hurt in the form of anger, which leads to resentment, blame and revenge. Once they let it out in anger, their words become unkind and their actions, unjust. An angry person’s pain now causes another person pain too, like a way of “getting back.” If you do that, your anger initially feels quite liberating with a sense of false peace (See previous post: Peace in Your Heart). Unless you’re a person without any conscience or guilt, the hurt you have caused the person you’re fighting with will sooner or later bother you. You will then realize that you’re not getting any sort of pleasure or peace from your anger, not even a sense of relief. Recently, I admittedly have been in this situation. Right after the incident, God used this as an opportunity to make me see the areas of myself that I need to improve on. I’m thankful that I’ve learned my lessons and have become a better woman since.
That is why our beloved Saint Pope John Paul II said, “It’s better to cry than be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanse the heart.”
As I write this on First Friday of May, the Month of Our Blessed Mother, I realize that all of us can learn a lot from his quote like how to handle ourselves when we are in pain. He said that we must control ourselves not to fall into the temptation of being angry and acting it out when we are very sad. Yes, you feel someone hurt you badly. But fighting back by throwing some angry remarks here and doing some vengeful acts there is not the answer; certainly not for us who call ourselves Catholic. Your hurt can’t ever be resolved by hurting back the other. That hidden anger inside you not only makes you sin against God, it can also ruin your relationship with Him. At first, you’re only angry towards the other person. But later on, it can potentially make you an angry man or woman in general to the point that it makes you step back away from God, have a dry prayer life and even question His love for you. God sees through our every action and hurting others is clearly displeasing to Him. No matter how hurt you are, you cannot use that to justify causing hurt to another, and pretend that you only did what you thought was right for yourself or for the other person. More so, you cannot hurt someone and think you’d get away with it somehow.
On the other hand, if we cry and let our tears flow, like Saint Pope John Paul II said, you are not fighting back but trying to get healing silently and examining yourself as it cleanses your heart. To be cleansed in the heart is to be purified or sanctified. Our hurts help us go through sanctification- to become closer to Jesus and have a deeper friendship with Him. But sometimes our minds wander off and make us do different things to get through the hurt. Or probably, some people like friends or colleagues try to help by giving one bit of advice or another, which can be good or actually not. Remember, things and people cannot obtain for us that inner healing that our hearts and souls need. God is truly the only Holy One who understands and heals your pain. Like the Pope said what you better do is to cry, to resist anger, to keep silent for moments of prayer and reflection, and to know that Jesus is with you as you bear the hurt that others caused you. Jesus is crying with you as you suffer.
We must be careful though not to let ourselves cry as a means of escape or to wash away our guilt. That’s because aside from getting hurt, crying tears could be for other reasons as well like when we’re the ones who caused hurt. Thus, we must ask: “Why am I crying? What are these tears for? Are they out of genuine remorse, or just a lack of courage?”
Sometimes it’s hard to tell because our tears can be a mix of both selflessness and selfishness. Some say that the emotions behind our tears are not necessarily pure- which means that sometimes we cry out of honest and sincere realization of what we’ve done but at the same time, we cry out of selfish, self-serving quest to justify ourselves. St. Thérèse of Lisieux gives us an example. She says that in broken relationships, we cry because we are actually just looking after ourselves and not really seeking the welfare of the other person inside that relationship; that we are more concerned of ourselves than those we love. When we’ve done something wrong, we should also be careful not to cry just because we feel guilty of it and badly about it. That is, to simply cry without the courage of admitting our mistakes and making up for them. Instead, what we need is to cry out of true repentance, to let flow tears of sorrow that come from knowing that our words and actions have hurt someone. It is to cry before God while asking for His guidance to show us our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. It is to cry while seeking God’s help in changing our ways that wronged others and treating them fairly next time. As Catholics, we know that our tears in the Sacrament of Confession will only “cleanse us” if we are also willing to do the rightful penance.
The words of Saint Pope John Paul II are directing you to the path of sanctity; To choose tenderness over anger; To cry than to cause hurt. Ask yourself- Do my tears of suffering bring me closer to God? Does anyone cry of pain now because of what I said and did? You must constantly examine yourself so that you cry tears not in vain but in holiness.
Hail, Holy Queen
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
St. Pope John Paul II, pray for us!
Mama Mary, pray for us!
Amen.
She graduated cum laude from the University of Santo Tomas, the country's Pontifical and Catholic university, with an AB in Legal Management and minor units in Theology.
As an unmarried woman, prayer holds a central place in her daily life, with a focus on the Rosary and the Divine Office. Embodying her faith, she emphasizes the growth of her inner spiritual life, guided by the wisdom of Carmelite spirituality.
God manifested to her in a unique and radical manner, which made her know Who He truly is and led her to total surrender of her life to Him.
She has studied the Bible with her family, developing a particular fondness for the Old Testament.
Her adorable and intelligent toy poodle is a delightful companion in her daily life, bringing warmth and joy to her home.
Her hobbies include reading about everything, learning Japanese and German, listening to music and playing the flute.
In her leisure time, she enjoys gaming on PlayStation 5, Nintendo Switch OLED, Nintendo 3DS, iOS and OS, and collecting things related to PlayStation and Nintendo.
Email: mary@thebestcatholic.com
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sometimes controlling emotions is harder than using logic, and regret comes later. that’s life. keep learning in this life